Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Dude, that's so Hanoi-ing!

Okay, I know, the title is brutal. But, alas, I had to do it. Why? Because Hanoi was sort of annoying. When I first arrived I thought (and said out loud), "I love Vietnam!". And, I do. Seriously. Hanoi, however, is a shitload of work. Dodging motorbikes here is an adventure sport. It's fun, but dangerous and I ended up being hit by one. It's cool, all in all, being able to say, "I was hit by a motorbike in Hanoi"... but, I also realize that there are a lot of people in this world who can say that.
In the end, I spent maybe a day or two too many here. We did manage to make it to a couple of the tourist spots, such as the Temple of Literature and Ho Chi Min's Mausoleum. Unfortunately, at the Temple of Heaven we ran into a girl who will only be known as "the annoying kiwi girl from Vang Vieng" and when we made it to see the corpse of the former leader we realized that he was on vaca in Moscow where he was having his annual "work" done. Apparenly, upkeeping Uncle Ho takes a lot of time and effort. Who knew.
We also made it to the water puppet show in the old quarters. The verdict is out on that one. Alice and Chris seemed to think it was God's gift to Vietnam, whereas Jay and I were more of the opinion that, although worth the $1 cover charge, wasn't something that was required to really "experience" Vietnam. The puppets didn't look like they were walking on water as Lonely Planet would like to imagine. Stupid Lonely Planet.
One thing that I have also realized about myself, and have been reminded by my good friends on more than one occasion, is my sometimes snippy behaviour. The Irish and English women have coined a more poignant term -- but, it's one that I have managed to forget. Or maybe supress. I'm not sure which one. Vietnam requires a nice, deep breath and a "serenity now" self-reminder every once and a while. And, I believe myself to be a bigger, more well-rounded person after it.
Most disturbing of all are the children in Hanoi. I believe a quote from the wise, but incredibly young and handsome, John Dunn goes a little something like this: "Why do children suck here so much?" Because they do suck. If they aren't trying to sell you books, then they are climbing all over shit, driving you out of stores or burning shit on the street.

Oh, and here are some memorable quotes from dealing with all things service industry in Hanoi:
1)
me: Is this a gay bar?
waitress: Carlsburg?

2)
me: Do you have Diet Coke?
waiter: Tiger Beer?
me: Diet Coke?
waiter: Two Tiger Beer?
me: Diet Coke?
waiter: one Tiger Beer?
me: yes.

3)
little boy: you want to buy a book from me?
me: sure.
little boy: do like these books?
me: yes, but I've read them all.
little boy: where you from?
me: guess.
little boy:England (and then a long list of countries that aren't Canada).
me: no
little boy: Japan.
me: yes.

That is all from Hanoi. Now, I am off to Halong Bay where I will hopefully frolic amongst Vietnamese Bay fairies.

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